Siobhan, 33, of Wanstead, admits that fitting the 9'x5' crest into her living room might prove tricky - though she reckons she will put it across the goalmouth when West Ham face Manchester United at Upton Park.
Overlooking a slight historical accuracy - poetic licence being so much more important - concerning the Hammers' exit from Europe [it was actually the second round of the UEFA Cup] the judges awarded Siobhan the crest, which used to be on the external wall of the south stand, for her outstanding literary efforts, which you can peruse below.
In days gone by
When men didn't cry
And I was knee high to a lamb
I switched on the telly
My heart turned to jelly
I discovered a team named West Ham
The month it was May
Of Seventy Five
A day I shall never forget
For young Alan Taylor
God bless him, our saviour
Stuck two lovely goals in the net
The team all went up
Billy lifted the Cup
And footballing history was written
The bubbles they blew
My heart grew and grew
I was totally, utterly smitten
A few more years passed
And finally, at last
We were back down Wembley Way
A header from Brooking
Goalkeeper not looking
How I gloated at Arsenal's dismay
And then came the year
Of Eighty Six
A season you would not believe
McAvennie and Cottee
Both went goal potty
And we ended up third in the League
The years came and went
Semi-finals were spent
Drowning my sorrows in beer
My heart it was shattered
Cos nothing else mattered
When would it next be our year?
And then off to Metz
in Ninety Nine
The Inter Toto Cup beckoned
A long winded pass
To Europe at last
It was better than nothing we reckoned
That bubble soon burst
We went out in the first
And my heart took another cruel blow
But I did not give up
On us winning a cup
There was always next season to go!
Two Thousand and One
Could this be our year?
My poor weakened heart whispered yes
We saw off Man U
And Sunderland too
I knew we could bury the rest
But the cruel hand of fate
Had earmarked a date
To slap us full on in the face
The Spurs they went through
My heart broke in two
All it left was a hole in its place
I went to the doctor
And told him my plight
And showed him the hole in my chest
He said it's your heart
It's fallen apart
What you need is a shiny new crest!
Well done to Siobhan and commiserations to the losing entrants.
We hope you are not too crestfallen...